recently, i’ve been diagnosed with breast cancer.
oddly enough, upon getting the news… i didn’t cry.
i sat there, a little straighter, and asked what was next.
an all-day appointment, and a treatment plan.
the next day we scheduled a surgery date, left side total mastectomy.
it was all moving so fast, but only because it needed to.
i went home that day… looked in the mirror and cried.
i whispered “i just want to die”
but, obviously i don’t. i want to live to be 102, see my grandchildren’s children and be a happy little wrinkled mess.
it was all just overwhelming, and i felt hopeless.
but i’m not. because there is a God. and i am his.
i’ve been saying “God gave me this for a reason”
but someone reminded me today, that sickness is wed from darkness, from satan. God doesn’t cast sickness onto his children.
God casts light, alternatively, life.
i am his.
so, my mastectomy is done and i am currently healing from it all.
i have yet to see the scar, and i guess that’s my sin of vanity preventing me from looking.
i don’t need radiation. (thank God)
now i have to wait & see if i need chemo, praying i don’t.
i’m just healing, not only my body but my spirit.
i’m really getting into photography and documenting things.
i’ve never really liked taking pictures but i’m getting into it now,
seeing as how things change i enjoy saving how they are.
i can’t wait to say i’m a survivor.
i can’t wait to put this behind me.
it’s behind me. it wasn’t so bad, i mean i had terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days… but in general it wasn’t so bad. i relied heavily on God. i didn’t go to church every sunday and i wasn’t the most pious person but if i felt nervous or sad i prayed. it helped. there were many times i felt i had no one. my friends let me down, my family was falling apart, and my relationship with my boyfriend was always on edge. God was the only stable piece in my life. cancer hasn’t really changed me much internally, externally however… i’m still faring with that.”
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