Being a mom is the toughest job on the planet, hands down. But being a mom when your child, or yourself, is undergoing cancer treatment is unfathomable.
Sylvia Donovan (SD) is a breast cancer survivor and mother of three. Julie Lanahan (JL) is also a breast cancer survivor and mother of four.
For mother’s day both of them have agreed to share a little of their stories, their relationships with their families during their journeys and advice to other mothers undergoing treatment.
SD: “When I fought cancer in 2004 at the age of twenty-three I couldn’t imagine anything being harder. I got through months of chemo with my amazing parents at my side every step of the way. I always say that I was the one with cancer but my mom fought it for me harder than anyone.
Ten years and three kids later I am in awe of what my life has become. I am so thankful everyday for the things I learned from my mom: how to care and be selfless for my kids, how to show love and compassion for everyone around me, and to use my experience for good and bless others.”
JL: “When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my world as a mother was completely upended. Here I was the stay-at-home mom who was room parent, gave tours of the school’s campus, volunteered on multiple committees, helped in the classroom and went on field trips.
Suddenly, I felt like a mother hen who was having all of her feathers plucked one by one as I had to let go of my volunteer activities at school so that I could fight for MY life.
All I had ever know was how to fight for the lives of my children. I would do anything for them. I really struggled to put my own needs first. I would cry every night about having to give up so many things that had been in my life for so long.
I cried about the school activities, not being a room parent, having to give up breastfeeding, and yes, even my daily housekeeping duties. And then I had a wonderful conversation with a fellow breast cancer survivor I had been connected with who also had young children when she was diagnosed…Sarah Leming.
She explained to me that as mothers we somehow juggle many many balls in the air on a daily basis. And at the end of the day we reflect on our day and somehow all of those things got done.
What I needed to do was to take all of those activities and put them into either a glass ball or a plastic ball.
The plastic balls would include the many school volunteer activities, room parent, laundry, cooking, cleaning, carpool, and breastfeeding. The glass balls would include my health, my marriage, and my children.
Right now she said I needed to drop all of the plastic balls to the ground and focus on the glass balls. The plastic balls can be dropped and they will just bounce around until I decide, if I ever decide, to pick them back up, with the exception of the breastfeeding of course. The glass balls needed my undivided attention in order to stay afloat.
This was an “AH HA” moment for me. Why had I not been living my life like this before I was diagnosed with cancer?
I have termed this the “Leming Effect”. After this conversation with Sarah I realized that I was going to do as much as I could for my children while I was going through treatment. If I felt up to going to a lacrosse game then I was going.
But I had decided that the few times I was feeling good, I was going to spend it with my children doing our “normal” family activities: playing with the dog, dancing around the house, going to the pool, and going for a family run around the neighborhood.”
Sylvia & her husband at Blue Jeans Ball